1 00:00:00,400 --> 00:00:02,400 2 00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:07,400 3 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:01,040 4 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:10,040 "Congratulations. May all your troubles be little ones 5 00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:13,360 and remember, the first 10 years are the worst. With love from Granny." 6 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:14,640 (Laughter) 7 00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:18,520 "In accordance with warning notice already sent to you, 8 00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:22,760 you are required to report to Heathercrest National Service Depot." 9 00:02:23,640 --> 00:02:26,320 Charlie, it's your call-up. 10 00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:28,360 What do you mean, my call-up? 11 00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:30,000 But it's our wedding day! 12 00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:34,320 How can it be my call-up, Dad? You sent off an application for an extension for the wedding. 13 00:02:34,360 --> 00:02:36,440 Didn't you? Me? No, you did. 14 00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:38,720 I asked you to do it! No, you said you would. 15 00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:41,600 Why doesn't somebody do something? 16 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:51,480 (Snoring) 17 00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:54,920 (Snores) 18 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:03,400 Argh! Please! Please! A draught! 19 00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:05,120 But it's stifling in here. 20 00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:08,160 Please. My eardrums are very thin, very weak. 21 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:10,640 The least suspicion of a draught and I'm finished! 22 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:14,360 Cor! 23 00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:16,400 Thanks, mate. 24 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:19,840 Now what? 25 00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:24,640 Please. Do you mind not smoking? It affects me. I've got a weak stomach. 26 00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:26,760 Now, look here... Catarrh pastille? 27 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:27,920 I haven't got catarrh. 28 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,760 You don't know you're living, mate. 29 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:33,000 Are you going to hospital? 30 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:36,280 The army? 31 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:39,520 Ha! So am I. 32 00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:41,480 How did you pass the medical? Influence? 33 00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:43,800 Medical. Ha! A farce. 34 00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:45,840 A criminal farce! 35 00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:50,360 A-1. Me! A-flaming-1! 36 00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:53,400 Army doctors. (Scoffs) 37 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:57,640 I tell you, mate, two of everything you should have two of and you're in. 38 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:08,240 (Piano plays) 39 00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:12,000 We don't deserve your congratulations. It was luck. Pure luck. 40 00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:15,560 What a lot of rubbish! 41 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:20,200 Luck doesn't enter into it. Sure it does, Grimmy. Take you, now. 42 00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:23,520 Six years a Training Sergeant. And never had a Champion Platoon. 43 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:25,560 It's bad luck. Oh, no, it isn't. 44 00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:30,520 Listen, Paddy, every man has the instinct of soldiering in him. 45 00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:31,840 Right enough. 46 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:35,520 You've all done it. You've all had a Champion Platoon at one time or another. 47 00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:38,400 Why? What's the hurry? 48 00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:39,840 It's my last platoon. 49 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:42,960 I shall be leaving the army in ten weeks and it's my last chance. 50 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:44,640 Don't set your heart on it. 51 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:47,880 Like to bet on it? 52 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:49,880 What, scared? 53 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:51,240 Not a bit of it. 54 00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:53,880 All right. 50 quid says no Champion Platoon. 55 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:20,000 Sergeant Grimshawe, sir! Can I give you a lift to the mess, sir? 56 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:23,760 Well, that's extremely civil of you, Sergeant. Thank you, sir. 57 00:05:27,280 --> 00:05:30,000 Thank you, Sergeant. 58 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,440 Bye, darling. 59 00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:36,440 (Engine starts) 60 00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:38,840 Ah, a very nice place you have here, Sergeant. 61 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:42,160 That's encouraging. 62 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:49,040 (Brakes squeak) 63 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:57,960 Well, Sergeant, where do I report? 64 00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:00,080 That's the officers' mess over there, sir. 65 00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:02,960 Very nice too, but I happen to be a National Serviceman. 66 00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:06,640 Get in the back of that truck, will you? Fast! 67 00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:08,320 Thank you, Sergeant. 68 00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:18,160 Charlie! Charlie! 69 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:21,520 Did you see? Did you hear? What? Where? 70 00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:24,080 She called to me. From a laundry van. 71 00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:28,600 Look... Look, keep calm, Charlie boy. 72 00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:32,360 Look... Just a little while longer, eh? You'll see the MO. 73 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:34,920 Oh, stop pawing me. I'm not ill. I did see her. 74 00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:01,360 Go round the back, go on! 75 00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:03,400 Round the side! Go on! 76 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:07,040 (Tuts) Yes, and about time too, I'm thinking. 77 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:10,600 (Knock) 78 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:14,720 Are you the manageress? 79 00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:16,360 No, I'm Nora. 80 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:18,160 My name's Mary. 81 00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:21,760 I don't care what your name is, as long as you can cut chips. 82 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:23,520 Your overall's in that cupboard. 83 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:24,760 Thanks. 84 00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:36,640 'Ere, where's your labour exchange card? 85 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:39,360 It's coming in the post. 86 00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:58,000 Yes. 87 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:06,280 Oh, I'm not really the new girl. 88 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:09,240 But please don't give me away. Please help me. 89 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:12,760 Oh, there, there, love. Come on, tell Nora all about it. 90 00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:15,160 Now, look! You've got to face up to it. 91 00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:17,640 You are an obsessional with visual complications. 92 00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:20,120 Look, once and for all, I got married this morning, 93 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:21,920 there was a muddle over my deferment. 94 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,280 Now, Mary must have followed me to the camp. 95 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:26,320 She's a very determined girl. 96 00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:29,360 Well, personally, chaps, I believe him. 97 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:32,360 Please! Do you mind belting up? 98 00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:34,440 You don't know nothing about psychiatry. 99 00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:36,800 Possibly not, but I do know a bit about women. 100 00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:40,240 You know, there are certain chaps who are always being chased by women. 101 00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:42,240 Thank you! 102 00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:45,000 Judging by their names, they should be a fine lot. 103 00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:48,520 There's a lot in a man's name, Corporal. Gives him character. 104 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:56,720 Strong, Sage, Bailey, Heywood, Galloway, Golightly. 105 00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:59,200 Golightly? Golightly. 106 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:01,240 What's in a name? 107 00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:05,160 Corporal Copping, you know how much depends on the success of this platoon. 108 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,320 50 quid, Sergeant. That's only money. 109 00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:08,800 There's my reputation, 110 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:12,200 and perhaps er...your recommendation for promotion when I leave, 111 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:16,160 and possibly a slight percentage for you if I win. 112 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:19,320 When you win, Sergeant. That's the spirit, Copping. 113 00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:22,840 Now er...let's have a look at our Champion Platoon, shall we? 114 00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:27,760 All right, stand by your beds! 115 00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:39,080 All right, at ease, lads. 116 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:40,840 I'm Sergeant Grimshawe. 117 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:42,520 And this is Corporal Copping. 118 00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:44,160 Right? 119 00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:51,720 Now, I'm a quiet, reasonable, humane man. 120 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:55,240 I know. My mother told me. 121 00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:58,800 Oh, yes. I had a mother and a father, even though I am a sergeant. 122 00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:01,160 Only one thing rubs me up the wrong way, 123 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:04,080 and that's a man that doesn't pull his weight in my platoon. 124 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:07,680 In that respect, I'm a veritable Jekyll and Hyde. 125 00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:11,440 But somehow, looking around me, 126 00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:15,800 I don't think that nasty side of my character's going to rouse itself this time. 127 00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:17,480 I judge a body of men on sight. 128 00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:23,000 And I don't mind telling you lads I feel distinctly encouraged at the prospects. 129 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:25,320 Don't disappoint me. 130 00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:29,440 Can I report sick, please? 131 00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:39,840 Strong. 132 00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:41,880 Horace Strong. 133 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:43,960 Sergeant! 134 00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:53,240 Private er...Strong...on sick report tomorrow. 135 00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:55,640 Ooh er...please, sir. 136 00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:02,000 And don't call me sir. Sergeant to you. 137 00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:05,120 Oh, no, Sergeant. 138 00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:06,560 Um... I want some leave. 139 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:08,680 Leave? Why, you've only just arrived, son. 140 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:11,720 But it's vital, Sergeant. Compassionate. What happened... 141 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:15,080 All right, all right, you don't have to tell the world. Copping! 142 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:18,080 Thank you, Sergeant. 143 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:20,720 Not now! When you're sent for. Get back in line. 144 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:22,480 But, Sergeant... Quiet! 145 00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:24,520 I never did! 146 00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:27,040 (Guitar string twangs) 147 00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:36,280 What's that? 148 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:39,560 Haven't you ever seen a guitar, Sergeant? Where've you been living? 149 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:43,120 Right here, you numbskull! Where you're gonna live for the next ten weeks! 150 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:45,040 Banjo? 151 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:47,080 Yes. Out of sight. Understand? 152 00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:49,120 I dig. You'll dig, all right. 153 00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:51,160 I'll see to that. 154 00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:54,200 Yes, Sergeant. 155 00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:57,040 And no more skylarking, right? Or you're for it, got it? 156 00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:58,600 Yes. 157 00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:00,640 Sergeant. 158 00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:04,640 Corporal! Empty bed! 159 00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:07,200 Er...I don't know, Sergeant. 160 00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:09,280 His name's Golightly. 161 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:11,480 Sergeant. 162 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:12,800 Golightly! 163 00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:15,600 Private Golightly! 164 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:17,640 I'm so sorry. 165 00:12:17,680 --> 00:12:19,800 Hello. Did someone call? 166 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:22,240 Golightly, where have you been? Must I say? 167 00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:23,840 Come here! 168 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:27,720 At the double! 169 00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:34,400 Where have you been? 170 00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:37,560 Well, I... (Clears throat) ..got locked in somewhere. 171 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:40,480 You see, I... Oh, dear. Have you hurt yourself? 172 00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:42,880 Quiet, the lot of you! 173 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:45,400 Oh, do stop shouting, please. 174 00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:53,680 You there! Is that remark addressed to me? 175 00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:03,040 Stand to attention when I'm talking! Why? 176 00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:05,480 Why? Do as you're told, you're in the army, son! 177 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:09,280 Oh, not quite. I'm still a civilian. With civilian rights. 178 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:11,920 Don't shout, please. 179 00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:14,000 What is your name? 180 00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:16,960 Please. 181 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:19,000 Bailey. James Bailey. 182 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:21,720 Fine. Absolutely bloody fine. 183 00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:24,480 But I'll feel even better once you're in uniform. 184 00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:26,520 Thank you, Sergeant. 185 00:13:26,560 --> 00:13:28,560 All right, carry on, Corporal. 186 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,400 As you were. 187 00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:40,560 The Sergeant doesn't seem to like us. 188 00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:41,920 I wonder why. 189 00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:45,760 I dunno. Why does it happen to me? Isn't there any justice? 190 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:48,400 You don't want to worry, Sergeant. It'll be all right. 191 00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:51,560 It'll be what? You were there. You saw them. 192 00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:54,520 Out of 24 men, I'm lumbered with one hypochondriac, 193 00:13:54,560 --> 00:13:56,880 one natural-born candidate for the glasshouse, 194 00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:59,920 a rock 'n' roller, a shadow of a man haunted by Lord knows what, 195 00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:01,440 and a popsy-chasing layabout, 196 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:04,720 and some idiot who gets himself locked in...well, you know where. 197 00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:06,000 Yes, but I mean, look... 198 00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:08,760 Any one of those clots could sabotage the squad! 199 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:10,800 But I've got 'em all! About turn. 200 00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:13,360 We're 24 per cent non-effective before we start! 201 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:15,520 How in the name of Aldershot can it work out? 202 00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:17,920 Well, it's got to. Your reputation depends on it. 203 00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:19,960 My reputation, my foot! 204 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:22,400 What about my 50 quid riding on that lot, eh? 205 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:26,960 No, that's true. Oh, well. There's only one thing for it. 206 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,920 Chase the living daylights out of them. 207 00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:31,240 Oh, no, no, no. That's no good. That'd be fatal. 208 00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:33,760 Half the mob in the guardroom's no good to me. 209 00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:36,000 Yes, but Sergeant... Will you have hush! 210 00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:38,400 No, Copping, we've got to be...subtle. 211 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:39,640 Subtle. 212 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:43,160 We must be kind. Considerate. 213 00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:46,160 Kind? Yes. 214 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:48,280 These are delicate blooms, Copping. 215 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:50,240 Are they? Yes. 216 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:52,280 (Whistles) 217 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:56,600 Hello. You must be the new lot. 218 00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:58,720 Greetings, cat. Cat? 219 00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:00,240 No, my name's not Cat. 220 00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:02,960 No, not Cat. 221 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:05,000 Brown. Herbert Brown. 222 00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:07,840 What did you say? Are you in our platoon? 223 00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:10,200 No. I just live here. 224 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:11,920 Yeah, I think I can understand him. 225 00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:15,280 You er...received a severe blow on the head as a child, didn't you? 226 00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:16,840 No, that was my brother. 227 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:19,800 Horace, old man, can't you forget psychiatry for one minute? 228 00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:22,280 I was only trying to help him. 229 00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:24,040 Oh, I don't need any help, thanks. 230 00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:27,840 Well, ta-ra, fellas. See you at the NAAFI perhaps. 231 00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:29,800 Don't get lost. 232 00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:33,200 Ta. 233 00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:37,240 That was no soldier, that was Herbert. I give up. 234 00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:39,280 Don't worry, so did the army. 235 00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:44,480 Thank you. 236 00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:51,200 With his wife, of course. Love will find a way. 237 00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:55,240 Look here, mate. You don't really think that that woman's on this camp, do you? 238 00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:57,760 An hallucination. We know. 239 00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:00,160 (Laughter) All right, all right. You can laugh. 240 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:02,200 I should never have let him go. 241 00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:04,360 He's probably cutting his throat now. 242 00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:07,360 Bleeding to death in the ablutions. 243 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:10,080 I hope not. I have to sluice them out every morning. 244 00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:13,480 I clean up everywhere in the camp. That's my job. 245 00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:15,640 No. National Service. 246 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:18,960 Don't do it any more. 247 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,760 Haven't done it for...for months. 248 00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:24,200 I want to try again. 249 00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:26,840 Again? How many courses have you been through? 250 00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:28,880 Three. I think. 251 00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:30,920 But now I... 252 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:33,120 Look. 253 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:35,160 There's my "excused webbing" chit. 254 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:37,680 My "excused marching" chit. 255 00:16:37,720 --> 00:16:40,280 "Excused handling of firearms" chit. 256 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:45,040 Chit for... Blimey! You're just 257 00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:49,280 (Blues piano) 258 00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:54,360 Well, go on, say it. 259 00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:55,960 I'm crackers. 260 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,960 Does it look as if I've had any luck? 261 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:01,000 This place is vast. 262 00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:04,520 I've tramped over every inch of it and not so much as a lock of her hair. 263 00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:08,160 Well, go on, say it. I'm crackers. 264 00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:10,480 (Sighs) It was all my imagination. 265 00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:14,600 Oh, well, now, this is a great step forward, Charlie boy. 266 00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:18,240 You see, now that you realise there's something wrong with you, 267 00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:20,280 well, there's a chance of a cure. 268 00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:23,000 Yes, now, you are a er... 269 00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:26,840 uxoriamaniac, obsessed with the idea of marriage. 270 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:29,400 Wouldn't you be, if you were married this morning? 271 00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:31,440 Oh, shut up, please! 272 00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:33,640 GOLIGHTLY: That's Herbert. 273 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:35,080 Hi. 274 00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:37,600 Dangerous. Dangerous! 275 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:40,520 Cor! Drinking on top of an obsession! 276 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,560 Why don't you shut up? 277 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:51,440 It's her! It's Mary! 278 00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:53,320 He's off again. Stop him. 279 00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:55,480 Mary! 280 00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:57,400 Oh, Charlie! 281 00:17:57,440 --> 00:18:00,880 Don't worry, miss. I'll take care of him. Very sad case. 282 00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:05,080 He's...very, very unbalanced. Don't 283 00:18:05,120 --> 00:18:07,120 Husband? 284 00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:09,160 Good night, Horace. 285 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:21,360 Anything I can do for you, soldier? 286 00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:29,000 CHARLIE: Darling, how on earth did you get here? 287 00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:33,240 Never mind how I got here. I'm here. 288 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:35,280 And tonight's our wedding night. 289 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:36,880 You don't mean... 290 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:40,520 Darling, you don't think I came here just to become a NAAFI girl. 291 00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:44,880 Well, no, but...but how? Where? 292 00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:47,160 I mean, there's over a dozen blokes in my hut. 293 00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:50,760 Nora. She's arranged everything. Ooh! 294 00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:52,120 Who's Nora? 295 00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:57,760 What's the matter? I'm in love. 296 00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:02,200 Congratulations. Must be the aura 297 00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:06,080 After three years wearing out my eyeballs 298 00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:08,840 looking at each lot of new recruits that comes in, 299 00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:10,520 at last I've found him. 300 00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:14,040 We're very happy for you. It was that chap that was with you. 301 00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:17,320 Horace? H... Oh. 302 00:19:17,360 --> 00:19:20,600 Oh, time stands still when I say that name. 303 00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:22,600 Not for Charlie and me it doesn't. 304 00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:25,720 Eh? Oh! 305 00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:27,640 Oh, yes, of course. Now listen. 306 00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:29,080 It's all arranged. 307 00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:32,000 There's a spare room, but you've got to be ever so careful... 308 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:52,640 Darling. (Snores) 309 00:19:57,440 --> 00:19:59,440 Don't pretend you're asleep. 310 00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:04,640 Darling. Oh, darling, don't tease. 311 00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:07,960 Wouldn't you rather have the light on, Charlie, darling? 312 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:16,560 (Door closes) 313 00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:43,160 (Chuckles) Bashful. 314 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:47,480 Mary! Darling! 315 00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:14,360 Right. Now, then, what's wrong with you? It's my floating kneecap. 316 00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:15,920 Take off your trousers. 317 00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:17,960 We do our best. 318 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:20,200 You can go in when you hear the bell. Righto. 319 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:23,560 What's wrong with you? Fell on my 320 00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:25,560 Take off your tunic, roll up your sleeves. 321 00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:27,040 (Bell rings) 322 00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:30,080 I'll clean that up. 323 00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:33,920 (Screams) 324 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,080 Oh! (Screams) 325 00:21:36,120 --> 00:21:38,120 What's the matter? 326 00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:39,840 Why didn't you warn me? 327 00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:42,360 Corporal! What's the matter with this man? 328 00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:44,040 I-I'm sorry, Captain Clark. 329 00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:46,640 Oh, the shock. Oh, my heart. My heart, my heart. 330 00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:48,640 Hurry up, man! Hurry up! 331 00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:52,080 I want to change my doctor. 332 00:21:52,120 --> 00:21:54,120 This isn't the National Health Service. 333 00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:58,360 Either you see Captain Clark 334 00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:15,840 Left... Left wheel! 335 00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:23,120 Squad halt! 336 00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:25,680 Halt! 337 00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:31,360 So sorry. I was miles away. 338 00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:32,880 You know how it is sometimes. 339 00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:36,760 Come back here, you stupid, sleepwalking son of a... 340 00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:40,200 Delicate blooms. 341 00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:47,080 Private Golightly, now you really must try and concentrate from now on. Right? 342 00:22:47,120 --> 00:22:49,320 Oh, yes. I'll try. 343 00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:51,360 Thank you. 344 00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:53,400 All right, go in there and get your kit! 345 00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:55,440 Dis...missed! 346 00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:59,400 Uh-uh. Concentrate. 347 00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:07,560 Oh, thank you, ma'am. 348 00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:10,040 You've come to the right place. Just in time. 349 00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:12,720 For physiotherapy? For physical jerks. 350 00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:16,600 Get on with training. There's nothing wrong with your knee. 351 00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:19,400 But, ma'am! I can feel it floating! 352 00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:22,800 Let me know when you feel it sinking. 353 00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:24,840 ..one. Beret, one. 354 00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:26,880 Towels - one. 355 00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:30,120 Dressing, field - one. 356 00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:31,960 Drawers, cellular. Pairs, three. 357 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,000 Knives, clasp, one. 358 00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:37,760 Got everything? Sign there. 359 00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:39,480 Drawers, cellular. Pairs, three. 360 00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:43,000 Yes, one does. 361 00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:44,560 Next! 362 00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:47,320 Ooh, thank you. 363 00:23:47,360 --> 00:23:49,360 I say, look. 364 00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:53,720 A knife for getting things out of a horse's foot. I've always wanted one of these. Argh! 365 00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:55,280 Field dressing, one. 366 00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:58,840 Size of head? I haven't the faintest 367 00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:02,600 Big. Charming. 368 00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:03,920 Next! 369 00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:07,320 One housewife. Housewife? 370 00:24:07,360 --> 00:24:09,360 Oh, Mary. 371 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:11,400 That's the lot, boys. Tea break! 372 00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:17,680 I want my kit, Sergeant. 373 00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:20,800 Well, I had to report sick. 374 00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:24,000 The Doctor says I am. 375 00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:26,040 She'd better be right. 376 00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:28,680 Why? Take a deep breath. 377 00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:32,960 You're about to become the fastest kitted-out soldier in the British Army. Hey, boys! 378 00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:36,960 One recruit coming up! Full kit, on the double! Before you go to tea! 379 00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:42,960 OK, boys? 380 00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:46,080 Right, let's go! 381 00:24:57,200 --> 00:24:59,200 Cor! 382 00:25:01,120 --> 00:25:02,880 Hey, mate. Hm? 383 00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:04,840 Do me a favour, please. What's that? 384 00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:07,360 Point me in the direction of my barrack room. 385 00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:11,880 Ta. Right. 386 00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:26,360 Left, right, left, right, left, right, right wheel! 387 00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:28,400 What's the matter with you? 388 00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:30,760 Get into line up there, will you? 389 00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:33,320 Platoon... 390 00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:37,360 ..halt! 391 00:25:38,360 --> 00:25:40,720 Stand still! What's the matter with that man? 392 00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:44,640 Moving about? What do you think it is, a dance floor? 393 00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:48,040 Platoon, left...turn! 394 00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:53,680 All present and correct, Sergeant. 395 00:25:56,600 --> 00:26:00,440 Platoon, stand at ease! 396 00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:02,480 Stand easy. 397 00:26:04,360 --> 00:26:08,040 Now you're about to meet your Company Commander, Captain Potts. 398 00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:12,760 Some men live for drink, 399 00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:15,160 and some for women. 400 00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:19,320 Quite frankly, I don't know why some men bother to live at all. 401 00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:23,080 There's no doubt, however, why Captain Potts lives. 402 00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:25,760 It's for efficiency. 403 00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:30,040 He's known throughout the command as Potts the Perfect. The Perfect Potts. 404 00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:32,680 All right, that's enough, that's enough. 405 00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:36,280 Now you lads are in uniform for the first time. 406 00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:41,080 And I think you'll all agree with me that you don't yet look like soldiers. 407 00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:45,760 It would be stupid of me to expect that. It would that. He's very fair. 408 00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:47,360 That man there! 409 00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:51,760 Private Golightly, someone should have told you. 410 00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:56,520 You're not to talk when you're on parade. It's not the custom. So don't do it. Understand? 411 00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:58,360 Right. 412 00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:03,560 How stupid you are. 413 00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:05,040 Stop talking on parade! 414 00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:08,320 Or I'll carve the Queen's Regulations all over your scalp! 415 00:27:08,360 --> 00:27:10,720 Didn't you hear what I just told you, Golightly? 416 00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:13,960 Right. 417 00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:18,200 Now, it would be nice when Captain Potts arrives 418 00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:20,760 if you could stand at ease and attention properly. 419 00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:22,920 Show him what you can do. Be efficient. 420 00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:25,080 So we'll try it once or twice, shall we? 421 00:27:25,120 --> 00:27:26,200 Corporal! 422 00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:29,760 Demonstrate. 423 00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:33,040 Now pay attention, all of you. 424 00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:35,560 Stand at ease! 425 00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:39,040 Attention! 426 00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:41,200 Oh, good! Very good. 427 00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:45,600 All right, Corporal. 428 00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:48,840 Now, let's see what you can do. 429 00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:52,200 Platoon, brace yourselves, brace yourselves. 430 00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:55,200 Platoon, attention! 431 00:27:56,720 --> 00:28:00,160 Private Golightly, don't go quite so lightly next time. 432 00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:02,080 (Laughs) Very good! 433 00:28:02,120 --> 00:28:03,760 Joke's over! Joke's over! 434 00:28:05,120 --> 00:28:08,640 Platoon, stand at ease! 435 00:28:09,960 --> 00:28:12,960 Attention! 436 00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:21,120 Get up, you clumsy, quarter-witted, half-baked mooncalf! 437 00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:23,440 One more hammer-toed move like that and I'll... 438 00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:25,760 Er...50 quid. 439 00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:27,800 Delicate blooms. 440 00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:31,920 All right, now. Here comes Captain Potts. Do your best, lads. 441 00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:33,480 Company, at ease. 442 00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:38,240 Platoon, attention! 443 00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:54,680 Well, all of you are half asleep! 444 00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:56,720 Like a lot of flamingos. 445 00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:58,760 Not half as clever. 446 00:28:58,800 --> 00:29:00,800 Flamingos go to sleep on one leg. 447 00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:02,400 You lot are all asleep on two! 448 00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:05,640 How many legs does a flamingo sleep on? Erm... 449 00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:07,520 Slow, slow. Quick, quick, slow. 450 00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:08,800 Silence! 451 00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:12,720 Alert mind plus responsive body equals efficient soldier. 452 00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:19,040 Who are you? Galloway, sir. 453 00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:21,720 Useless answer. Two factors omitted - number and rank. 454 00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:24,720 A soldier without a number and rank is like a man without a soul. 455 00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:27,480 Who are you? 4277309, Private Galloway, sir. 456 00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:30,320 What, no Christian name? Are you heathen? Andy. A. 457 00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:32,960 Slow. Watch this man, Sergeant. Slow-witted. 458 00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:34,720 Stand up. 'Shun. 459 00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:38,120 At ease. 'Shun. At ease. 'Shun. At ease. 'Shun. 460 00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:39,680 Still in dreamland. 461 00:29:39,720 --> 00:29:41,120 Do you dream? Yes, sir. 462 00:29:41,160 --> 00:29:42,360 What about? Blood. 463 00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:43,480 Whose? Mine. 464 00:29:43,520 --> 00:29:45,600 Timorous spirit of aggression needs rousing. 465 00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:48,200 You should dream of the enemy's blood. Close your eyes. 466 00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:50,080 What comes into your head? Blood. 467 00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:52,720 Whose? Yours. Er... M-m-mine! Mine, sir. 468 00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:54,280 Be decisive! 469 00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:59,240 Try sleeping on your stomach. Proper rest plus exercise equals integrated instincts. 470 00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:03,680 Who are you? 4277312, Private Sage, C, sir. 471 00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:05,800 Now say it backwards. Er... Er... 472 00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:09,120 Come on, come on, come on! 3-1-2... Er...7-3...3-7... 473 00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:12,240 If you can't think backwards, how can you think the proper way? 474 00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:15,360 Watch this man. Rigid mental processes achieve flexibility. 475 00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:18,120 Flexibility plus discipline equals initiative. 476 00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:20,520 It does, sir? I mean, it does, sir. 477 00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:22,120 It does, yes. 478 00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:23,560 Yes? 479 00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:26,520 James Bailey. BSc, Economics. 480 00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:29,800 It was given to me. I earned my degree. 481 00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:32,520 Well, that's a matter of opinion. 482 00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:34,920 You've nothing to complain of. 483 00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:37,160 Look at the suit they've given me! Look at this. 484 00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:40,280 Plumped on my head, without even the pretence of fitting. 485 00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:42,920 As a good soldier, I accepted it without complaint. 486 00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:44,960 As a good officer, what do you think? 487 00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:50,160 Well, pride in appearance plus confidence in one's superior equals good start. 488 00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:53,880 Excuse me. 489 00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:55,720 What? 490 00:30:56,960 --> 00:30:59,880 4277298, Private Heywood, M, sir. 491 00:30:59,920 --> 00:31:03,560 My father, sir. 492 00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:06,720 My grandfather, sir. 493 00:31:06,760 --> 00:31:08,840 My uncle, sir. 494 00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:12,440 Women, sir. 495 00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:15,200 A soldier, by tradition and instinct. Watch this man. 496 00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:16,840 Right, left, right. 497 00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:19,640 Atten...tion! 498 00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:25,920 Platoon, right...turn! 499 00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:29,360 CORPORAL COPPING: I want you to go in there 500 00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:34,400 and stand by your beds for a hut and a kit inspection! 501 00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:38,880 Platoon, dis...missed! 502 00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:54,000 Well, here we are, chaps. 503 00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:56,520 Here's how we lay out our kit. 504 00:31:56,560 --> 00:32:00,160 One diagram among 24 people? Not very helpful. 505 00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:02,200 'Allo, Jim! Are you joining us? 506 00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:05,720 I thought you'd be in the cooler by 507 00:32:05,760 --> 00:32:07,760 I changed my mind. 508 00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:10,240 Sociologically, it's important for me to find out 509 00:32:10,280 --> 00:32:13,880 just how far one can retain one's individuality in the army. 510 00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:17,920 And biologically, it's important I get my leave. (Laughter) 511 00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:20,120 Oh, please, let's make this inspection good. 512 00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:23,120 If anything goes wrong, my leave might go up the spout as well. 513 00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:25,440 Poor old Charlie. 514 00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:39,720 (Clatter) Watch yourself, you big, clumsy ox. 515 00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:43,320 Cut the bull, Charlie. Imagine you being worried about keeping a bed tidy! 516 00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:44,760 Get out of it. 517 00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:50,160 Here you are, Horace, you'd better check yours. Properly. 518 00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:51,600 Let's see. Now for the hut. 519 00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:53,640 Tables, deal - two. 520 00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:54,880 Yeah. 521 00:32:56,320 --> 00:32:59,120 (Sighs) Here you are, you can have this. Oh, ta. 522 00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:21,040 Would you like me to give you a hand? 523 00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:23,280 I seem to have more kit than anyone else. 524 00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:31,360 Pete, why don't you go and help Charlie? 525 00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:33,640 OK, Miles. Thank you. 526 00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:38,760 Extinguishers, fire - two. Extinguishers, fire - two. 527 00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:40,800 Peter... 528 00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:45,240 There's no fire extinguishers. Perhaps this place is fireproof. 529 00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:46,880 Yeah, but it's not Potts-proof. 530 00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:51,000 Extinguishers, fire - two, it says, and extinguishers, fire - two, he'll want to see. 531 00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:54,360 I'm not taking any chances. Come on, we're gonna borrow a couple. 532 00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:56,080 Oh, bear up, dear. 533 00:33:56,120 --> 00:34:00,280 Perhaps he's had his interview for leave by now and you'll be off together in no time. 534 00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:02,320 Better late than never. 535 00:34:02,360 --> 00:34:05,800 Oh, I shouldn't go on like this. At least I'm married. 536 00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:10,000 While you... Oh, I'm suffering 537 00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:13,960 Painful, but...oh, it's exquisite. 538 00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:18,120 Don't worry about me, dear. Or Charlie. 539 00:34:18,160 --> 00:34:20,320 Oh! There he is, look! 540 00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:23,080 Oh, Mary! Oh, I'm so relieved to see you! 541 00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:26,080 No. 542 00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:28,840 No fire extinguishers. Fire extinguishers? 543 00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:30,880 Everything depends on them. 544 00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:35,480 I'm only borrowing them. I... You see... Goodbye. 545 00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:37,000 Ta-ta. 546 00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:40,120 Heywood. We must concentrate on Heywood. 547 00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:42,760 I wasn't wrong. He's got officer written all over him. 548 00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:46,200 Yes. If we can get him recommended for Officer Cadet, we're home and dry. 549 00:34:46,240 --> 00:34:49,960 And it'll help towards Champion Platoon rating and maybe... 550 00:34:51,520 --> 00:34:53,560 Very good, sir. 551 00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:55,600 Stand by your beds! 552 00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:03,760 Sergeant? Sir. 553 00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:10,920 (Shouting) 554 00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:12,680 Turn it off! Turn it off! 555 00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:17,960 Turn it off! Turn it off! Turn it off! 556 00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:25,800 Left, right! Left, right! 557 00:35:25,840 --> 00:35:27,840 Party, halt! 558 00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:29,480 Private Sage, sir. 559 00:35:29,520 --> 00:35:31,520 Sir. 560 00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:35,280 Application for leave on your first day, man? Why? 561 00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:36,800 Compassionate reasons, sir. 562 00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:39,880 You want leave to get married, do you? 563 00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:43,400 Oh, no, sir. No, sir. It's just that I want to...arrange things. 564 00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:44,840 Oh... 565 00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:46,680 You dirty rotter. 566 00:35:46,720 --> 00:35:50,000 Oh, no, sir. Please, sir. You don't understand. 567 00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:51,600 I understand perfectly. 568 00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:53,920 Respectable girl plus sex-mad youth 569 00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:58,040 multiplied by a charabanc outing equals three lives ruined. See the chaplain. 570 00:35:58,080 --> 00:36:00,160 Oh, but I've already seen the chaplain, sir. 571 00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:03,240 Is this true, Sergeant? No, sir. Not to my knowledge, sir. 572 00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:05,880 You'd better watch yourself, Sage. Lying won't help. 573 00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:08,720 Then why say you'd seen the chaplain? 574 00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:12,040 Well, I have seen the chaplain, sir. N-Not this chaplain, sir. 575 00:36:12,080 --> 00:36:14,880 Oh! Oh, army chaplain not good enough, eh? 576 00:36:14,920 --> 00:36:17,280 Oh, no, sir. Please listen, sir. 577 00:36:17,320 --> 00:36:19,440 Well, come on, then! Sharp! Sharp! 578 00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:22,800 Oh, and stringing along another girl! 579 00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:26,360 No. No, sir. I am married, sir, but... 580 00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:29,440 I'm not married, sir, if you know what I mean. 581 00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:32,520 I don't know. How can you be married and not married? Eh? 582 00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:35,520 It's easy, sir, when you got called up on your wedding day. 583 00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:43,200 Oh, well... Yes, well, I think I'm in the picture now, Sage. 584 00:36:43,240 --> 00:36:44,760 Manoeuvres cancelled, what? 585 00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:49,880 I should have applied for a 586 00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:56,400 Oh, please, sir. If I could just have a few hours' er...days' leave, sir. Oh, please, sir. 587 00:36:57,640 --> 00:37:01,360 Well, I think in the circumstances, Sergeant, seven days' leave. 588 00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:02,880 Any questions? Now, sir? 589 00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:05,520 No, no, no, no. Carry on, Sergeant. Very good, sir. 590 00:37:05,560 --> 00:37:09,000 Party, left turn! Left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right. 591 00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:43,840 (Mouths) 592 00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:51,280 Get them up. Come on, come on! Faster than that! 593 00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:52,720 Up, up, up! 594 00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:54,160 All right, stop! 595 00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:55,600 All right, now listen. 596 00:37:55,640 --> 00:37:59,440 When I say move, go through those beams and round behind the inner semicircle. 597 00:37:59,480 --> 00:38:00,680 Move! 598 00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:08,720 COPPING: All right now, move! Quick! 599 00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:13,240 First four up the ropes. First four up the ropes. Quick, quick, quick! Up you go. 600 00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:15,280 That's it. Come on, get up there. 601 00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:17,600 Corporal, have I got to go all the way up there? 602 00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:20,000 What, me? 603 00:38:20,040 --> 00:38:23,360 All right. Ooh! 604 00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:25,400 Ooh! The strain! 605 00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:27,440 Get off! 606 00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:33,760 (Weakly) Corporal. Corporal! 607 00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:36,000 Corporal! 608 00:38:36,040 --> 00:38:38,040 Oh, no! 609 00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:52,080 No hope. Not today. 610 00:38:52,120 --> 00:38:54,120 You're all right. 611 00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:58,360 But...Doctor! I can feel a definite thump. 612 00:38:58,400 --> 00:39:02,680 Boom-boom-boom. That's it! 613 00:39:02,720 --> 00:39:03,960 Yes. 614 00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:07,560 Strong, that's your heart beating normally. 615 00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:24,280 Hello. Hello. 616 00:39:25,320 --> 00:39:28,560 Lovely day. Passable kind of day, I suppose. 617 00:39:28,600 --> 00:39:31,040 If you haven't got great spots in front of your eyes. 618 00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:32,440 Oh, never mind. 619 00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:36,440 I'm sure it won't interfere with your reading your letters when the post comes. 620 00:39:36,480 --> 00:39:40,560 Why not? 621 00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:44,480 Don't tell me that you haven't got a girlfriend or um...a wife? 622 00:39:44,520 --> 00:39:46,280 Me? 623 00:39:47,320 --> 00:39:48,920 You haven't? 624 00:39:48,960 --> 00:39:50,680 Oh, good! 625 00:39:51,960 --> 00:39:53,120 Huh... 626 00:40:02,960 --> 00:40:06,080 From a honeymoon back to this. Must be terrible. 627 00:40:06,120 --> 00:40:08,640 We'll have a whip-round, buy him a hot-water bottle. 628 00:40:08,680 --> 00:40:10,000 I say, he does look pale. 629 00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:13,400 Wouldn't you? Thinking of nine more weeks without your little wifey? 630 00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:15,320 How was it, Charlie boy? 631 00:40:16,400 --> 00:40:18,080 Well, if you really want to know... 632 00:40:22,040 --> 00:40:24,760 We spent a good deal of time in labour exchanges, 633 00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:29,600 fixing Mary up with a proper temporary job in the NAAFI here for the next nine weeks. 634 00:40:31,320 --> 00:40:32,880 Anyone for bayonet practice? 635 00:40:33,240 --> 00:40:35,720 Right, now! Think of all the things you love! 636 00:40:35,760 --> 00:40:37,760 Freedom. The day of your release. 637 00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:39,280 The Cup Final. 638 00:40:39,320 --> 00:40:41,840 Me. Anything you like. 639 00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:46,000 This evil monster stands between you and it. 640 00:40:46,040 --> 00:40:49,520 He'll kill you rather than see you get it. 641 00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:52,560 So you have to kill him. You have no choice. 642 00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:56,120 (Yells ferociously) 643 00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:58,160 Argh! Argh! Argh! 644 00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:05,040 Right, you're away. That's it. All right, now. One at a time. 645 00:41:05,080 --> 00:41:08,120 Remember you're soldiers, fighting for everything you love. 646 00:41:08,160 --> 00:41:09,680 Fuelled with noble savagery. 647 00:41:10,560 --> 00:41:11,840 All right, let's have ya! 648 00:41:11,880 --> 00:41:13,480 En garde! 649 00:41:14,960 --> 00:41:17,560 Charge! Oh, dear. 650 00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:27,800 On your feet! 651 00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:29,840 Catch! (Whimpers) 652 00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:32,200 Right, next! 653 00:41:32,240 --> 00:41:34,960 En garde! Charge! 654 00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:36,800 (Screams) 655 00:41:45,840 --> 00:41:49,440 Get back in line, will you? Not that way. Round the back of the dummy. 656 00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:52,960 All right, next! 657 00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:55,800 En garde! Charge! 658 00:41:55,840 --> 00:41:57,760 Argh! Argh! 659 00:42:10,360 --> 00:42:12,000 Pick it up. 660 00:42:17,720 --> 00:42:19,840 En garde! Charge! 661 00:42:19,880 --> 00:42:21,880 (Screams ferociously) 662 00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:27,680 Next! 663 00:42:27,720 --> 00:42:29,880 En garde! Charge! 664 00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:38,080 Don't you think this is a trifle out of date in a world bristling with H-bombs, Sergeant? 665 00:42:38,120 --> 00:42:39,520 Shut up! 666 00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:43,200 Now, then. You beast! Pest! Commoner! 667 00:42:43,240 --> 00:42:47,400 Have it, you varlet! Hand back that Cup Final ticket! 668 00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:51,560 Private Bailey, in answer to your question, I'd back him against the H-bomb any day. 669 00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:54,280 You beast! Peasant! Commoner! 670 00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:56,440 Don't just stand there. Help me get him out. 671 00:42:56,480 --> 00:42:58,480 Take that! And that! 672 00:42:58,520 --> 00:43:02,000 Let go! Do you want to kill someone? 673 00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:12,200 Now this is nice and slow, so even you lot can manage. 674 00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:15,800 All right, Corporal. Demonstrate. 675 00:43:18,640 --> 00:43:20,160 Now pay attention. 676 00:43:20,200 --> 00:43:23,240 Slow...march! 677 00:43:27,840 --> 00:43:29,280 All right, Corporal. 678 00:43:32,480 --> 00:43:34,480 Now this is used on funerals. 679 00:43:34,520 --> 00:43:37,760 Work at it. If you're very lucky, you'll be doing it at mine! 680 00:43:37,800 --> 00:43:39,240 Shut up! 681 00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:42,200 Now let's try it, shall we? 682 00:43:42,240 --> 00:43:44,240 Platoon! 683 00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:47,360 Platoon, to atten...tion! 684 00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:51,120 Left turn! 685 00:43:52,400 --> 00:43:55,800 Slow...march! 686 00:43:56,880 --> 00:43:59,000 Left...right. 687 00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:01,840 Left...right. 688 00:44:02,840 --> 00:44:04,360 Left... Ooh! 689 00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:07,320 I didn't mean it. It was your fault! 690 00:44:07,360 --> 00:44:09,320 Halt! 691 00:44:14,040 --> 00:44:17,680 Blind, lame, that's what you are! All of you! 692 00:44:17,720 --> 00:44:19,720 Now stand still! 693 00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:23,680 Now, as you were. Right, dress off. 694 00:44:23,720 --> 00:44:26,000 At the double! 695 00:44:27,200 --> 00:44:29,200 You misbegotten misfits! 696 00:44:29,240 --> 00:44:31,240 What do you think this is? 697 00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:35,040 What do you think I'm made of? Iron? 698 00:44:37,280 --> 00:44:39,800 I ought to bung the lot of you in the guardroom. 699 00:44:39,840 --> 00:44:43,560 For persistent, unrelenting, blundering, malicious stupidity! 700 00:44:45,240 --> 00:44:47,240 I'll paralyse the lot of you! 701 00:44:48,920 --> 00:44:51,400 Look at you! Standing as if you're pregnant! 702 00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:53,920 It wouldn't surprise me, the way I'm mucked about. 703 00:44:53,960 --> 00:44:55,960 Sergeant. 704 00:44:58,320 --> 00:45:01,200 All right. Let's try it again, shall we? 705 00:45:04,200 --> 00:45:07,400 Platoon! Platoon, attention! 706 00:45:07,440 --> 00:45:08,720 All right, pay attention. 707 00:45:08,760 --> 00:45:12,040 This morning, we're going on with 708 00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:13,480 commonly known as the Bren. 709 00:45:13,520 --> 00:45:16,840 Now, during this period, I'm gonna show you how to strip it... 710 00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:19,520 ..and assemble it. 711 00:45:19,560 --> 00:45:23,760 For normal stripping, we divide the gun into four major parts. 712 00:45:23,800 --> 00:45:25,160 Number one... 713 00:45:27,600 --> 00:45:29,680 What's the matter with you, soldier? 714 00:45:29,720 --> 00:45:31,720 Smell of the oil. 715 00:45:32,520 --> 00:45:34,160 I've got an allergy to it. 716 00:45:34,200 --> 00:45:37,720 Er...excuse me. 717 00:45:37,760 --> 00:45:39,520 What's your trouble? 718 00:45:39,560 --> 00:45:41,240 Well, just a suggestion. 719 00:45:41,280 --> 00:45:43,880 Why doesn't Private Strong change places with me? 720 00:45:43,920 --> 00:45:46,280 Are you taking the mickey? 721 00:45:46,320 --> 00:45:48,320 Well, let's see, shall we? 722 00:45:48,360 --> 00:45:52,040 Private Strong is affected by the odour of oil, I am not. 723 00:45:52,080 --> 00:45:55,280 I make a suggestion intended to help him and you. 724 00:45:55,320 --> 00:45:57,080 Is that taking the mickey... 725 00:45:58,280 --> 00:45:59,640 ..Sergeant? 726 00:46:01,880 --> 00:46:04,760 Something rotten. 727 00:46:05,880 --> 00:46:07,560 Yeah. 728 00:46:07,600 --> 00:46:11,160 What are you sitting down there for? Change places with the man at the back! 729 00:46:20,480 --> 00:46:23,360 Now, then. Number one. 730 00:46:24,840 --> 00:46:28,360 Remove the piston group and place it on the right-hand side of the gun. 731 00:46:28,400 --> 00:46:30,400 Right. Number two. 732 00:46:30,440 --> 00:46:34,240 The barrel group. Lift up the barrel-locking nut as high as it'll go. 733 00:46:35,240 --> 00:46:39,560 Take up the carrying handle, and ease the barrel forward until it is clear. 734 00:46:39,600 --> 00:46:42,720 And place it on the right-hand side of the piston group. 735 00:46:43,880 --> 00:46:45,800 Number three. The butt. 736 00:46:46,800 --> 00:46:51,880 Lift up the gun gently, and pull the butt back away from the body, 737 00:46:51,920 --> 00:46:55,000 and lay it on the right-hand side of the barrel group. 738 00:46:55,040 --> 00:46:56,680 Right, number four. 739 00:46:56,720 --> 00:46:58,720 To remove the last two groups, 740 00:46:58,760 --> 00:47:02,200 grip the bipod in the left hand, and turn the body of the gun towards you, 741 00:47:02,240 --> 00:47:03,680 and it'll come apart. 742 00:47:03,720 --> 00:47:06,720 Place the body of the gun on the right-hand side of the butt group, 743 00:47:06,760 --> 00:47:09,080 and the bipod on the right-hand side of the body. 744 00:47:09,840 --> 00:47:14,640 There you are. You now have your gun stripped down into its four major groups. 745 00:47:14,680 --> 00:47:17,120 Now are there any... 746 00:47:17,160 --> 00:47:20,000 Hey, you at the back! Hey, you! 747 00:47:21,480 --> 00:47:24,600 S-s-sir. Sergeant! 748 00:47:24,640 --> 00:47:27,920 I was listening, Sergeant. 749 00:47:27,960 --> 00:47:31,440 Then you'll know all about it, won't you? Up on your feet! 750 00:47:32,960 --> 00:47:34,680 Come here. 751 00:47:47,640 --> 00:47:50,880 Yes, Sergeant. 752 00:47:50,920 --> 00:47:52,920 There it is. Look at it. 753 00:47:52,960 --> 00:47:56,160 Yes, Sergeant. 754 00:47:56,200 --> 00:47:58,200 Well, put it together again! 755 00:48:26,560 --> 00:48:27,560 Sergeant. 756 00:48:31,760 --> 00:48:33,160 Shut up, all of you! 757 00:48:36,240 --> 00:48:39,560 Well...looks as though you was listening, after all. 758 00:48:39,600 --> 00:48:41,640 I wasn't listening. Eh? 759 00:48:41,680 --> 00:48:44,760 I used to work in the factory where they make these things. 760 00:48:48,440 --> 00:48:50,080 Evening. 761 00:48:50,120 --> 00:48:51,640 Good evening, Mrs Sage. 762 00:48:51,680 --> 00:48:54,040 If you say that again, I'll give you a thick ear! 763 00:48:54,080 --> 00:48:58,040 No-one's supposed to know. Oh. I'm sorry. 764 00:48:59,920 --> 00:49:02,120 I'd like a bar of chocolate, please, miss. 765 00:49:10,160 --> 00:49:12,960 I say! She didn't ask for the money. 766 00:49:14,040 --> 00:49:15,240 Fourpence. 767 00:49:27,720 --> 00:49:30,240 You see? 768 00:49:31,240 --> 00:49:33,240 I can't keep my hand closed. 769 00:49:34,400 --> 00:49:36,400 Every time I shut it, it flies open. 770 00:49:36,440 --> 00:49:39,280 No, I don't! 771 00:49:39,320 --> 00:49:41,400 Look, this is a terrible affliction. 772 00:49:42,400 --> 00:49:44,400 A hand with a will of its own! 773 00:49:44,440 --> 00:49:47,160 It's... It's psychosomatic. 774 00:49:47,200 --> 00:49:50,640 Or maybe it's because tendons are like elastic. 775 00:49:50,680 --> 00:49:52,680 Nonsense! 776 00:49:52,720 --> 00:49:55,600 (Whimpers) Oh! Look, this one's starting now! 777 00:49:55,640 --> 00:49:57,640 Open your hands. 778 00:49:59,160 --> 00:50:00,640 Listen to me, Strong! 779 00:50:00,680 --> 00:50:04,280 This is frightening! There's nothing 780 00:50:04,320 --> 00:50:06,480 I want an X-ray! Dismissed! 781 00:50:06,520 --> 00:50:09,240 You've got no feeling for the sick! 782 00:50:09,280 --> 00:50:11,280 I remind you I am an officer! 783 00:50:11,320 --> 00:50:15,000 And I remind you that I'm a sick man! 784 00:50:21,520 --> 00:50:23,520 Dismissed. (Rings bell) 785 00:50:24,880 --> 00:50:26,880 See you tomorrow. 786 00:50:26,920 --> 00:50:29,800 Fire! (Gunshots) 787 00:50:29,840 --> 00:50:33,040 Number two gun! Fire! (Gunshots) 788 00:50:33,080 --> 00:50:35,400 Number three gun! Fire! 789 00:50:40,960 --> 00:50:42,720 Detail, unload! 790 00:50:42,760 --> 00:50:45,160 Two short of target and one outer? 791 00:50:45,200 --> 00:50:46,760 That's bad. Wasteful. 792 00:50:46,800 --> 00:50:49,880 This squad plus ammunition equals increased army estimates. 793 00:50:51,360 --> 00:50:54,040 Number one gun clear, sir. Number two gun clear, sir. 794 00:50:54,080 --> 00:50:56,560 Number three gun clear, sir. Carry on, Sergeant. 795 00:50:56,600 --> 00:50:58,600 Detail, change! 796 00:51:01,720 --> 00:51:03,720 Number one gun, load! 797 00:51:04,800 --> 00:51:07,440 I said number one gun, load! Get down. 798 00:51:07,480 --> 00:51:10,840 But the ground's damp, Sergeant. I suffer from recurrent rheumatism. 799 00:51:10,880 --> 00:51:15,040 You'll suffer from life imprisonment if you don't get down! Now get down there and load! 800 00:51:19,400 --> 00:51:21,400 Number two gun, load! 801 00:51:25,160 --> 00:51:27,160 Raise your back sight, man. 802 00:51:29,360 --> 00:51:30,760 He said your back sight. 803 00:51:30,800 --> 00:51:32,800 Number three gun, load! 804 00:51:39,000 --> 00:51:41,000 Excuse me! 805 00:51:43,520 --> 00:51:45,520 So sorry. I'm all thumbs today. 806 00:51:47,280 --> 00:51:49,560 (Groans) Champion Platoon. 807 00:51:49,600 --> 00:51:51,600 Carry on, Corporal. 808 00:51:52,880 --> 00:51:55,880 All right. Now just like that. One at a time. 809 00:51:55,920 --> 00:51:57,800 No delays. Let's have you. 810 00:52:01,440 --> 00:52:03,440 Get back in line! 811 00:52:03,480 --> 00:52:04,880 Right, next! 812 00:52:10,400 --> 00:52:11,960 All right, next one! 813 00:52:26,840 --> 00:52:28,640 Next! 814 00:52:31,560 --> 00:52:33,920 Jump, man, jump! 815 00:52:37,040 --> 00:52:38,520 Jump, man, jump! 816 00:52:38,560 --> 00:52:41,800 ALL: Come on, jump! It's all right 817 00:52:41,840 --> 00:52:44,680 Jump! (Yelps) 818 00:52:44,720 --> 00:52:46,760 Let go! Let go! 819 00:52:46,800 --> 00:52:48,440 (Whimpers) 820 00:52:48,480 --> 00:52:49,640 Let go! 821 00:53:00,080 --> 00:53:02,920 Nora would have loved to have been on that rope with Horace. 822 00:53:02,960 --> 00:53:06,000 Short of being trapped together, she'll never get with him. 823 00:53:06,040 --> 00:53:08,240 He even avoids going into the NAAFI now. 824 00:53:08,280 --> 00:53:11,600 Oh, Charlie. I do wish we could do something for Nora. 825 00:53:11,640 --> 00:53:13,200 She's so terribly unhappy. 826 00:53:13,240 --> 00:53:16,640 Darling, I'd like to help, but if he won't even talk to her... 827 00:53:16,680 --> 00:53:20,240 He could be...what did you say, trapped? 828 00:53:21,440 --> 00:53:24,200 Did I say that? What are you going to trap him with, a net? 829 00:53:24,240 --> 00:53:27,400 A rope. Oh, now wait a minute, darling. 830 00:53:27,440 --> 00:53:30,520 Ssh, darling. I'm thinking. 831 00:53:30,560 --> 00:53:33,720 Oh, never mind about that. 832 00:53:33,760 --> 00:53:36,440 But you've got an important message to deliver. 833 00:53:36,480 --> 00:53:38,480 From Sergeant Grimshawe. 834 00:53:40,480 --> 00:53:42,960 I was told to r-report here f-for fatigues. 835 00:53:44,160 --> 00:53:45,320 Oh. 836 00:53:45,360 --> 00:53:47,360 Well, come on in, then. 837 00:53:53,520 --> 00:53:55,520 You can help with these, if you like. 838 00:54:06,880 --> 00:54:09,040 Jim, what's that word? 839 00:54:10,280 --> 00:54:11,520 Obtuse. 840 00:54:11,560 --> 00:54:14,120 Unteachable. 841 00:54:14,160 --> 00:54:16,160 Oh. 842 00:54:16,200 --> 00:54:18,200 That's me. 843 00:54:18,240 --> 00:54:20,360 I wish I was like you. You're clever. 844 00:54:21,720 --> 00:54:23,720 Knowledge in a nutshell, it says. 845 00:54:23,760 --> 00:54:25,760 But I can't get it into my nut. 846 00:54:27,760 --> 00:54:30,800 Jim...I've been meaning to ask you for weeks. 847 00:54:30,840 --> 00:54:33,160 What secret? 848 00:54:33,200 --> 00:54:34,880 How to learn. 849 00:54:34,920 --> 00:54:37,280 There's no secret, you... you just learn. 850 00:54:37,320 --> 00:54:39,320 I don't. 851 00:54:39,360 --> 00:54:42,680 I've been in three squads and I don't seem to learn nothing. 852 00:54:45,520 --> 00:54:47,120 Take the rifle, for instance. 853 00:54:47,160 --> 00:54:49,960 Sergeant Russell says with one of these things in my mitt, 854 00:54:50,000 --> 00:54:52,040 I'm a danger to everyone except the enemy. 855 00:54:52,080 --> 00:54:54,920 Then he's an idiot. No, I'm the idiot. 856 00:54:54,960 --> 00:54:56,960 Sergeant Russell said I was. 857 00:54:57,000 --> 00:54:59,000 So did Sergeant O'Brien. 858 00:54:59,040 --> 00:55:03,160 Do you mean to tell me that neither of them could show you a simple thing 859 00:55:03,200 --> 00:55:04,760 like the workings of a rifle? 860 00:55:04,800 --> 00:55:07,640 Oh, they showed me. So did Sergeant Grimshawe. 861 00:55:07,680 --> 00:55:11,480 But I was always at the back, and they don't half talk fast. 862 00:55:11,520 --> 00:55:14,040 Now, look. There's nothing to it. 863 00:55:14,080 --> 00:55:17,000 For a start, this is the safety catch. 864 00:55:17,040 --> 00:55:20,400 Now, nothing can go wrong once it's this way. 865 00:55:21,880 --> 00:55:23,000 Oh! 866 00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:25,200 That way. 867 00:55:26,200 --> 00:55:29,680 What are you on fatigues for? Cos I wouldn't let go of a rope. 868 00:55:32,400 --> 00:55:35,720 You don't talk much, do you? What's there to talk about? 869 00:55:35,760 --> 00:55:40,080 Oh...life. Life. 870 00:55:40,120 --> 00:55:42,440 Huh! Infection. 871 00:55:44,160 --> 00:55:46,880 Decay...and death, that's life. 872 00:55:48,240 --> 00:55:50,360 What's your name? What's it to you? 873 00:55:50,400 --> 00:55:53,880 I'm just an anonymous blob of khaki, that's all. I'm just a... 874 00:55:53,920 --> 00:55:57,040 No, you're not. I know your name anyway. 875 00:55:58,200 --> 00:56:01,200 I made it my business to find out. 876 00:56:01,240 --> 00:56:02,840 Why? 877 00:56:04,400 --> 00:56:06,200 Can't you guess? 878 00:56:08,360 --> 00:56:09,760 There. That's it. 879 00:56:09,800 --> 00:56:11,280 Looks easy enough. It is. 880 00:56:11,320 --> 00:56:13,120 Actually, it's quite well designed. 881 00:56:13,160 --> 00:56:15,160 Let me have a go. 882 00:56:17,040 --> 00:56:18,600 Like that, Jim? That's it. 883 00:56:18,640 --> 00:56:20,400 Cor! 884 00:56:21,440 --> 00:56:24,160 I've been trying to tell you ever since I first saw you. 885 00:56:24,200 --> 00:56:27,280 (Yelps) You're on my toe. Oh, I'm sorry. 886 00:56:27,320 --> 00:56:30,640 Don't! You'll do yourself an injury! 887 00:56:30,680 --> 00:56:34,800 Oh, what does it matter? If you don't respond to me, I might as well be dead! 888 00:56:34,840 --> 00:56:36,480 Oh, Horace, I'm a woman. 889 00:56:36,520 --> 00:56:39,320 Violent and passionate and I'm yours! 890 00:56:39,360 --> 00:56:43,080 Let's got on with the fatigues. There aren't any. It was a trick. 891 00:56:43,120 --> 00:56:46,760 A trick? Oh, I was desperate to be 892 00:56:46,800 --> 00:56:50,080 The message from the Sergeant - it was from me. 893 00:56:50,120 --> 00:56:52,120 What? Charlie! 894 00:56:52,160 --> 00:56:54,160 Charlie, you rotten sw... 895 00:56:54,200 --> 00:56:56,360 Oh, Horace! Oh, I do love you! 896 00:56:56,400 --> 00:56:58,880 What? I'll murder him. I will. 897 00:56:58,920 --> 00:57:00,920 I'll breathe germs on him. 898 00:57:00,960 --> 00:57:03,280 Why are you so frightened of love, Horace? 899 00:57:03,320 --> 00:57:05,120 Let me get out. 900 00:57:05,160 --> 00:57:06,800 I'm ill. I've got to take a pill. 901 00:57:06,840 --> 00:57:10,680 Oh, no, it's not a pill that you need, my darling. It's me. 902 00:57:10,720 --> 00:57:15,200 Oh, imagine the bliss of having someone to love you, someone to take care of you. 903 00:57:15,240 --> 00:57:17,280 Please! Someone might hear you. 904 00:57:17,320 --> 00:57:19,720 Oh, let the whole world hear! 905 00:57:19,760 --> 00:57:22,960 But we must give ourselves time to get to know each other. 906 00:57:23,000 --> 00:57:26,320 Say about um...half an hour? 907 00:57:26,360 --> 00:57:28,360 Wh... 908 00:57:30,640 --> 00:57:33,480 What's your name? Oh! Oh, at last! 909 00:57:33,520 --> 00:57:35,160 It's Nora. 910 00:57:36,360 --> 00:57:38,560 Nora. Mm. 911 00:57:40,600 --> 00:57:42,600 Good night! (Whimpers) 912 00:57:44,680 --> 00:57:47,000 Oh, Horace! Come back! 913 00:57:47,040 --> 00:57:48,600 Ah, there's nothing to it. 914 00:57:48,640 --> 00:57:51,840 With his background, Heywood will be an absolute cakewalk for... 915 00:57:51,880 --> 00:57:54,400 Hey! That man! 916 00:57:55,760 --> 00:57:59,920 Horace! Horace, come back! Horace! 917 00:57:59,960 --> 00:58:02,240 Well, I'm glad he's useful at something. 918 00:58:02,280 --> 00:58:04,520 Left, right! Party, halt! 919 00:58:06,200 --> 00:58:08,400 Private Heywood, sir. Ah, Heywood. 920 00:58:08,440 --> 00:58:10,920 I've asked Sergeant Grimshawe to keep an eye on you. 921 00:58:10,960 --> 00:58:12,960 He has, and so have I. 922 00:58:13,000 --> 00:58:17,040 Despite certain unfortunate incidents in which you were involved, you're here. 923 00:58:17,080 --> 00:58:19,320 Yes, sir. Why, sir? 924 00:58:19,360 --> 00:58:22,360 I haven't the faintest idea, sir. 925 00:58:23,560 --> 00:58:26,640 Modest. Honest. I think we're right about this man, Sergeant. 926 00:58:26,680 --> 00:58:27,920 Thank you, sir. 927 00:58:27,960 --> 00:58:31,280 I don't have to, do I, sir? 928 00:58:31,320 --> 00:58:33,320 What? Well, I... 929 00:58:33,360 --> 00:58:36,600 It's not an order, Heywood, but er...surely... 930 00:58:36,640 --> 00:58:38,480 Oh, well, that's all right, then, sir. 931 00:58:38,520 --> 00:58:40,240 I don't want to be an officer, sir. 932 00:58:41,520 --> 00:58:44,200 The principle of heredity shattered. Explain. 933 00:58:44,240 --> 00:58:47,440 Well, sir, what were your father, grandfather and uncle? 934 00:58:47,480 --> 00:58:49,480 Oh. 935 00:58:49,520 --> 00:58:52,240 Potts, Potts and Potts. Porcelain manufacturers. 936 00:58:52,280 --> 00:58:55,360 And you're in the army. Of course. 937 00:58:55,400 --> 00:58:58,440 Principle of heredity shattered, sir. Just like me. 938 00:58:58,480 --> 00:59:00,600 My people are senior officers, sir, but er... 939 00:59:00,640 --> 00:59:03,880 general plus air commodore plus rear admiral equals me, I'm afraid. 940 00:59:03,920 --> 00:59:08,200 Just an ordinary National Serviceman. I'm just not a leader of men. Sorry, sir. 941 00:59:09,840 --> 00:59:11,040 Dismissed. 942 00:59:11,080 --> 00:59:13,080 Carry on, Sergeant. 943 00:59:14,040 --> 00:59:15,320 Yes, sir. 944 00:59:15,360 --> 00:59:18,840 Party, left turn. Quick march! Left, right, left, right, left, right. 945 00:59:32,080 --> 00:59:33,320 Morning. 946 00:59:33,360 --> 00:59:34,760 What's wrong? Stomach. 947 00:59:34,800 --> 00:59:36,080 Too often? Not enough. 948 00:59:36,120 --> 00:59:37,760 Number nines. Complications. 949 00:59:37,800 --> 00:59:39,560 Give them time. See you tomorrow. 950 00:59:39,600 --> 00:59:41,000 Dismissed. 951 00:59:56,960 --> 00:59:58,960 Button undone. 952 01:00:25,240 --> 01:00:26,320 That man! 953 01:00:27,720 --> 01:00:30,760 Take your hands out of your pockets! I beg your pardon? 954 01:00:30,800 --> 01:00:33,160 Take your hands out of your pockets. 955 01:00:33,200 --> 01:00:36,000 Oh, I'm so sorry, Sergeant. 956 01:00:48,560 --> 01:00:50,200 Get your hair cut in the morning. 957 01:00:59,880 --> 01:01:01,880 (Laughs raucously) 958 01:01:05,640 --> 01:01:07,640 I've seen better. 959 01:01:12,640 --> 01:01:14,680 'Ere, didn't he say pierce the tin? 960 01:01:14,720 --> 01:01:16,840 I heard what he said! On your feet! 961 01:01:21,840 --> 01:01:24,400 Well, there's one job you couldn't make a mess of, eh? 962 01:01:24,440 --> 01:01:26,640 Well, it's not too bad. Hope for you yet. 963 01:01:26,680 --> 01:01:28,880 Perseverance plus common sense equals... 964 01:01:42,320 --> 01:01:44,040 Morning, Strong. It's my scalp. 965 01:01:44,080 --> 01:01:46,680 Oh, really? 966 01:01:48,280 --> 01:01:49,680 Look. 967 01:01:53,040 --> 01:01:55,000 No. 968 01:01:55,040 --> 01:01:57,040 I'm taking you for a ride. 969 01:01:57,080 --> 01:01:58,720 Eh? 970 01:01:58,760 --> 01:02:00,520 Come on, then. 971 01:02:01,440 --> 01:02:05,520 SERGEANT GRIMSHAWE: Platoon! Platoon, attention! 972 01:02:10,840 --> 01:02:12,960 Stand them at ease, please, Sergeant. 973 01:02:14,200 --> 01:02:15,840 Platoon, stand at ease! 974 01:02:16,720 --> 01:02:18,600 Well, this is your last day of training. 975 01:02:19,680 --> 01:02:23,600 Tomorrow you'll get proficiency tests and a passing-out parade. 976 01:02:24,640 --> 01:02:27,640 And you'll finish the worst of all the platoons here. 977 01:02:29,920 --> 01:02:33,320 Someone's got to be bottom. Get that cut in the morning. You. 978 01:02:33,360 --> 01:02:36,760 Someone's got to be bottom, but this is absolute extremism. 979 01:02:38,360 --> 01:02:39,760 Utter disgrace. 980 01:02:40,840 --> 01:02:43,080 Platoon's a shambles. 981 01:02:43,120 --> 01:02:45,520 Worst we've ever had here at Heathercrest. 982 01:02:46,520 --> 01:02:48,520 Glad to see the back of you! 983 01:02:50,600 --> 01:02:54,880 Clumsy fools plus innate idleness...equals you! 984 01:02:54,920 --> 01:02:56,800 All of you! 985 01:02:57,800 --> 01:02:59,520 Carry on, Sergeant. 986 01:03:06,760 --> 01:03:08,680 Well, you heard! 987 01:03:08,720 --> 01:03:12,000 Gentlemen, this is the case in question. 988 01:03:13,080 --> 01:03:15,080 Private Horace Strong. 989 01:03:15,120 --> 01:03:18,360 He has reported sick every day for ten weeks. 990 01:03:18,400 --> 01:03:21,440 His ailments are varied and elusive, 991 01:03:21,480 --> 01:03:24,480 so far as I, a mere GP, can diagnose. 992 01:03:24,520 --> 01:03:26,920 You gentlemen are specialists. 993 01:03:26,960 --> 01:03:31,640 I thank you for agreeing to help by means of a thorough examination. 994 01:03:32,600 --> 01:03:34,600 He's all yours. 995 01:03:38,440 --> 01:03:41,120 Oh, I... I do apologise, ma'am. I... 996 01:03:42,120 --> 01:03:45,440 I've misjudged you. You've got a real feeling for the sick. 997 01:03:45,480 --> 01:03:47,960 Oh, I can't tell you how much I appreciate... 998 01:03:52,720 --> 01:03:54,720 All right, turn around. 999 01:03:55,760 --> 01:03:57,760 Now, breathe deeply. 1000 01:03:57,800 --> 01:03:59,800 In, out. 1001 01:04:01,640 --> 01:04:03,640 Say 99. 99. (Coughs) 1002 01:04:03,680 --> 01:04:05,680 Oh! Something's wrong, eh? 1003 01:04:05,720 --> 01:04:09,200 Congratulations. You have a perfect heart and lungs. 1004 01:04:09,240 --> 01:04:11,240 Wh...? No, Doctor. 1005 01:04:11,280 --> 01:04:13,280 My heart hangs by a thread. 1006 01:04:13,320 --> 01:04:15,680 By a rope, my boy. Rope? 1007 01:04:15,720 --> 01:04:17,720 What's he mean? 1008 01:04:19,320 --> 01:04:21,920 Lie down. 1009 01:04:21,960 --> 01:04:23,960 Ooh! 1010 01:04:24,000 --> 01:04:26,000 Good. 1011 01:04:26,040 --> 01:04:27,600 How's that? (Groans) 1012 01:04:27,640 --> 01:04:29,640 Remarkable! Stand up. 1013 01:04:30,800 --> 01:04:32,800 Stand still. (Giggles) 1014 01:04:32,840 --> 01:04:34,840 Cough. (Coughs weakly) 1015 01:04:34,880 --> 01:04:37,120 Aha! Aha! You see? 1016 01:04:37,160 --> 01:04:38,880 Fantastic. What is? 1017 01:04:38,920 --> 01:04:42,640 Your stomach's a model. You've got a digestive system like an incinerator. 1018 01:04:42,680 --> 01:04:45,280 No sign of hernia, pulse normal. Next cubicle. 1019 01:04:45,320 --> 01:04:49,200 Pulse normal? But, Doctor, I'm in a state of nervous tension. 1020 01:04:49,240 --> 01:04:50,640 All the more remarkable. 1021 01:04:54,080 --> 01:04:56,600 Sit down. Roll up your sleeve. 1022 01:04:57,600 --> 01:05:00,000 Good. 1023 01:05:00,040 --> 01:05:03,360 Relax, Strong, relax. 1024 01:05:04,600 --> 01:05:06,600 Now we'll see something, ma'am. 1025 01:05:06,640 --> 01:05:08,640 Only your blood pressure. 1026 01:05:15,760 --> 01:05:17,760 120. That's high! 1027 01:05:17,800 --> 01:05:19,800 80. That's low! 1028 01:05:21,080 --> 01:05:23,600 120 over 80. Textbook reading. It's quite normal. 1029 01:05:23,640 --> 01:05:25,320 But, Doctor! Please! 1030 01:05:25,360 --> 01:05:29,760 I'm not surprised. It should be very happy. 1031 01:05:32,920 --> 01:05:34,920 Stand there. 1032 01:05:36,680 --> 01:05:38,680 (Yelps) 1033 01:05:46,960 --> 01:05:49,440 Ever been a blood donor? Who'd want that? 1034 01:05:49,480 --> 01:05:52,080 Everybody. Haemoglobin is 100 percent. 1035 01:05:53,200 --> 01:05:56,280 I'm getting out of here. They're just a bunch of vets! 1036 01:05:59,640 --> 01:06:01,640 Ah, splendid. Open up here, please. 1037 01:06:01,680 --> 01:06:03,680 Come along here. 1038 01:06:03,720 --> 01:06:05,720 That's fine. Hands on hips. 1039 01:06:08,440 --> 01:06:10,920 Good Lord! Gentlemen, you must look! 1040 01:06:12,320 --> 01:06:15,200 Gentlemen, look at this! 1041 01:06:15,240 --> 01:06:16,800 Superb! 1042 01:06:16,840 --> 01:06:18,920 What a rib cage! Magnificent! 1043 01:06:18,960 --> 01:06:20,520 If only it were in colour. 1044 01:06:20,560 --> 01:06:22,960 Oh, Doctor, please! 1045 01:06:23,000 --> 01:06:24,680 No, the machine's all wrong! 1046 01:06:24,720 --> 01:06:27,240 Look, my ribs are all short and they're sharp. 1047 01:06:27,280 --> 01:06:29,800 I live in constant dread of 'em puncturing my lungs! 1048 01:06:29,840 --> 01:06:32,640 Out of the question. Your bones are in perfect proportion. 1049 01:06:32,680 --> 01:06:35,520 Besides, your lungs have the texture of asbestos. 1050 01:06:35,560 --> 01:06:38,240 No. I'm ill. 1051 01:06:38,280 --> 01:06:40,280 I'm ill, I tell you! 1052 01:06:40,320 --> 01:06:43,240 Gentlemen, there's only one avenue left open to us. 1053 01:06:43,280 --> 01:06:46,160 Psychiatry! 1054 01:06:49,120 --> 01:06:51,440 Oh, Doctor! You'll understand. 1055 01:06:51,480 --> 01:06:53,480 Yes, yes, of course. Lie down. 1056 01:06:55,240 --> 01:06:57,240 Relax. 1057 01:06:58,240 --> 01:07:00,720 My mother. 1058 01:07:00,760 --> 01:07:02,440 Sneezing. 1059 01:07:02,480 --> 01:07:04,840 I see. Now, association test. 1060 01:07:04,880 --> 01:07:07,760 Say whatever comes into your mind after what I say. 1061 01:07:09,080 --> 01:07:10,280 Cold. 1062 01:07:10,320 --> 01:07:11,520 Sneezing. 1063 01:07:11,560 --> 01:07:12,760 Me. 1064 01:07:12,800 --> 01:07:13,920 Pills. 1065 01:07:13,960 --> 01:07:15,000 Water. 1066 01:07:15,040 --> 01:07:16,160 Wet. 1067 01:07:16,200 --> 01:07:18,520 Washing up. 1068 01:07:18,560 --> 01:07:19,720 Nappy. 1069 01:07:19,760 --> 01:07:20,880 Nora. 1070 01:07:24,400 --> 01:07:25,600 Nora. 1071 01:07:32,640 --> 01:07:36,040 Cor! Nora! 1072 01:07:48,840 --> 01:07:50,040 Hi, baby. 1073 01:08:02,600 --> 01:08:03,800 Come 'ere! 1074 01:08:05,800 --> 01:08:09,040 Whatever's the matter with you, Horace? Are you ill or something? 1075 01:08:09,080 --> 01:08:11,080 Ill? What, me? 1076 01:08:11,120 --> 01:08:13,520 Your marbles must be loose. 1077 01:08:14,560 --> 01:08:16,560 Ooh, whatever's happened to you, Horace? 1078 01:08:16,600 --> 01:08:18,440 You answer the questions, kid! 1079 01:08:19,400 --> 01:08:21,440 Wanna be my doll? 1080 01:08:23,080 --> 01:08:24,480 Doll? 1081 01:08:24,520 --> 01:08:28,120 Yeah. But not the sort that goes 'Mama' when I squeeze her. 1082 01:08:28,160 --> 01:08:31,960 OK? I'll have to have time to think 1083 01:08:32,000 --> 01:08:34,560 OK. Think. 1084 01:08:37,240 --> 01:08:39,520 Time's up. Through there. Move. Ooh! 1085 01:08:39,560 --> 01:08:41,560 Ooh, Horace! 1086 01:08:44,400 --> 01:08:46,600 What a right bunch they turned out to be. 1087 01:08:46,640 --> 01:08:48,640 Oh, just luck. Rotten bad luck. 1088 01:08:50,160 --> 01:08:54,360 I must have stood under a ladder and kicked 13 black cats some time or other. 1089 01:08:55,400 --> 01:08:58,760 Well, don't worry, sarge, it'll all be behind you this time tomorrow. 1090 01:08:58,800 --> 01:09:02,200 Your last day in the army. I wish it had turned out the way you wanted it. 1091 01:09:02,240 --> 01:09:04,920 You know. You at the head of a Champion Platoon. 1092 01:09:04,960 --> 01:09:10,160 Yes. It isn't given to every man to achieve his life's ambition. Certainly not to me. 1093 01:09:11,520 --> 01:09:15,840 However, I hope when you get the other one up, you'll have better luck than I had. 1094 01:09:16,640 --> 01:09:18,440 Good night, sarge. 1095 01:09:19,640 --> 01:09:21,440 Don't be daft, Herbert. 1096 01:09:21,480 --> 01:09:25,480 Characters like Grimshawe don't leave the army. They can't. They've taken root. 1097 01:09:25,520 --> 01:09:27,840 Listen, I heard 'em talking about it. 1098 01:09:27,880 --> 01:09:29,880 Tomorrow's his last day in the army. 1099 01:09:29,920 --> 01:09:32,040 Well, best of British luck to the old b... 1100 01:09:32,080 --> 01:09:34,080 Oh, all right, then. 1101 01:09:34,120 --> 01:09:36,040 Perhaps he isn't such a bad old buzzard. 1102 01:09:36,080 --> 01:09:38,080 Best sergeant I ever served under. 1103 01:09:38,120 --> 01:09:39,480 Let's give him a present. 1104 01:09:39,520 --> 01:09:43,240 I know what he'd like. Us. The Champion Platoon tomorrow. 1105 01:09:43,280 --> 01:09:45,000 What a hope. 1106 01:09:45,040 --> 01:09:48,800 Aye, he would like that. I heard him saying just that to Corporal Copping. 1107 01:09:48,840 --> 01:09:50,240 No, it's impossible. 1108 01:09:50,280 --> 01:09:54,080 In any case, why should we knock ourselves out after the way he's chased us around? 1109 01:09:54,120 --> 01:09:57,720 When did he ever chase you, Andy? Or any of us, for that matter. 1110 01:09:57,760 --> 01:10:00,440 He's yelled a lot, but sergeants can't talk quietly. 1111 01:10:00,480 --> 01:10:03,800 If he'd wanted to, he could have had all of us inside over and over again. 1112 01:10:03,840 --> 01:10:06,280 Yeah, that's right. I wonder why he didn't. 1113 01:10:06,320 --> 01:10:07,800 Excuse me. 1114 01:10:08,920 --> 01:10:12,200 Perhaps he's been trying a sociological experiment too. 1115 01:10:12,240 --> 01:10:14,240 As Miles said. 1116 01:10:14,280 --> 01:10:17,680 Grimshawe could have made life purgatory for us. He didn't. 1117 01:10:17,720 --> 01:10:18,880 Why? Why, Jim? 1118 01:10:18,920 --> 01:10:20,320 My theory is this. 1119 01:10:20,360 --> 01:10:23,720 With us, his last platoon, Grimshawe tries the experiment 1120 01:10:23,760 --> 01:10:26,720 of deliberately putting a brake on his disciplinary powers, 1121 01:10:26,760 --> 01:10:29,760 relying, instead, purely on his personality. 1122 01:10:29,800 --> 01:10:32,480 In my opinion, such an experiment deserves success. 1123 01:10:33,480 --> 01:10:37,920 Boys...we shall be Champion Platoon tomorrow! 1124 01:10:37,960 --> 01:10:39,080 You're barmy. 1125 01:10:39,120 --> 01:10:42,160 We can but try. If the others will cooperate. What do you say? 1126 01:10:42,200 --> 01:10:43,640 OK. 1127 01:10:43,680 --> 01:10:45,160 What have we got to lose? 1128 01:10:45,200 --> 01:10:47,920 SAGE: Nothing. GOLIGHTLY: Come on, 1129 01:10:47,960 --> 01:10:51,960 Blimey. We'd forgotten Horace. That's torn it. Wait a minute. 1130 01:10:52,000 --> 01:10:56,120 Horace, we've decided to knock their eyes out tomorrow, to come right out on top. 1131 01:10:57,000 --> 01:10:58,160 OK. 1132 01:11:00,440 --> 01:11:02,440 You know, everything. 1133 01:11:02,480 --> 01:11:05,760 Ropes, bayonet, grenades. The lot. 1134 01:11:05,800 --> 01:11:07,800 Yeah. 1135 01:11:09,200 --> 01:11:10,280 Ropes... 1136 01:11:11,200 --> 01:11:13,600 ..bayonet...grenades. 1137 01:11:14,920 --> 01:11:16,240 The lot. 1138 01:11:20,160 --> 01:11:21,800 OK. 1139 01:11:34,160 --> 01:11:37,320 Cor! Nora! 1140 01:12:10,200 --> 01:12:13,000 You understand what I'm saying, Corporal, don't you? I... 1141 01:12:13,040 --> 01:12:14,920 You're a man short, Sergeant. 1142 01:12:14,960 --> 01:12:18,120 I'm taking his place. 1143 01:12:19,400 --> 01:12:22,000 No-one. I'm volunteering. 1144 01:12:22,040 --> 01:12:24,040 On top of everything, this! 1145 01:12:24,080 --> 01:12:26,080 Well, what have we got to lose? 1146 01:12:26,120 --> 01:12:28,760 Thank you, Sergeant. 1147 01:12:28,800 --> 01:12:31,560 Well, I shan't be needing these chits any more, Corporal. 1148 01:12:33,560 --> 01:12:35,560 I hope he's got his braces on. 1149 01:12:38,720 --> 01:12:40,720 Platoon! 1150 01:12:40,760 --> 01:12:42,760 Platoon, attention! 1151 01:12:43,960 --> 01:12:45,960 Move to the left in threes. 1152 01:12:46,960 --> 01:12:48,960 Left turn! 1153 01:12:50,320 --> 01:12:53,840 By the right, quick march! 1154 01:13:05,200 --> 01:13:06,840 I don't believe it. 1155 01:13:08,800 --> 01:13:10,680 Come on! 1156 01:13:13,080 --> 01:13:15,760 Left, left, left! 1157 01:13:21,520 --> 01:13:23,520 (Gunshots) 1158 01:13:25,000 --> 01:13:27,320 Number three gun, fire! 1159 01:13:30,280 --> 01:13:33,560 15 bulls. 15 bulls? 1160 01:13:35,120 --> 01:13:38,000 Maximum. Maximum. 1161 01:13:40,240 --> 01:13:41,840 Well, carry on, Sergeant. 1162 01:13:42,680 --> 01:13:43,960 Detail! 1163 01:13:44,960 --> 01:13:46,360 Detail, change! 1164 01:13:46,400 --> 01:13:49,520 Number one gun clear, sir! Number two gun clear, sir! 1165 01:13:49,560 --> 01:13:51,840 All right, boys! Show 'em what you can do. 1166 01:13:51,880 --> 01:13:54,520 En garde! Charge! 1167 01:13:54,560 --> 01:13:56,880 (They scream ferociously) 1168 01:13:56,920 --> 01:13:59,000 Charge! 1169 01:13:59,040 --> 01:14:01,360 (They scream ferociously) 1170 01:14:03,200 --> 01:14:04,800 Charge! 1171 01:14:07,000 --> 01:14:09,600 En garde! Charge! 1172 01:14:09,640 --> 01:14:10,920 (Screams) 1173 01:14:10,960 --> 01:14:13,240 En garde! Charge! 1174 01:14:13,280 --> 01:14:15,840 En garde! 1175 01:14:15,880 --> 01:14:17,880 Very military. 1176 01:14:37,480 --> 01:14:39,840 All right, lads. You're doing well. 1177 01:14:39,880 --> 01:14:43,280 And remember, it's our last chance. 1178 01:14:43,320 --> 01:14:45,320 So do your best. 1179 01:14:45,360 --> 01:14:48,080 Right? And good luck to all of you. 1180 01:14:49,200 --> 01:14:50,880 Right, brace up. Brace up. 1181 01:14:51,800 --> 01:14:53,800 Platoon! 1182 01:14:53,840 --> 01:14:57,000 Platoon, attention! 1183 01:14:59,400 --> 01:15:02,640 Platoon, slope arms! 1184 01:15:07,240 --> 01:15:09,240 Move to the left in threes! 1185 01:15:09,280 --> 01:15:11,480 Left turn! 1186 01:15:13,840 --> 01:15:16,800 By the right, quick march! 1187 01:15:27,440 --> 01:15:31,320 Parade...halt! 1188 01:15:31,360 --> 01:15:33,360 Doesn't Charlie look smart? 1189 01:15:34,440 --> 01:15:36,440 But look at my Horace. 1190 01:15:36,480 --> 01:15:38,080 Parade! 1191 01:15:38,120 --> 01:15:40,440 Parade... 'shun! 1192 01:15:41,440 --> 01:15:44,200 Slope arms! 1193 01:15:50,160 --> 01:15:52,520 Band, attention! 1194 01:15:52,560 --> 01:15:56,520 In threes, right...turn! 1195 01:15:57,920 --> 01:16:01,240 By the left, quick march! 1196 01:16:01,280 --> 01:16:03,280 (Military band starts playing) 1197 01:16:27,600 --> 01:16:29,840 Left turn! 1198 01:16:33,840 --> 01:16:35,640 Parade, left! 1199 01:16:42,240 --> 01:16:45,640 Number one platoon, eyes right! 1200 01:16:52,000 --> 01:16:55,360 Number two platoon, eyes right! 1201 01:17:00,440 --> 01:17:02,440 Eyes right! 1202 01:17:17,560 --> 01:17:20,480 Parade...halt! 1203 01:17:21,800 --> 01:17:24,760 Left turn! 1204 01:17:26,160 --> 01:17:28,480 Shoulder arms! 1205 01:17:30,760 --> 01:17:33,080 Stand at...ease! 1206 01:17:33,120 --> 01:17:36,120 Prize-giving for the 60th intake. 1207 01:17:36,160 --> 01:17:40,040 The Champion Platoon of the 60th intake 1208 01:17:40,080 --> 01:17:42,080 is Able Platoon. 1209 01:17:42,120 --> 01:17:44,840 Platoon Sergeant, Sergeant Grimshawe. 1210 01:17:44,880 --> 01:17:45,920 Here! 1211 01:17:47,360 --> 01:17:49,360 50 quid. 1212 01:17:50,440 --> 01:17:52,200 Cor blimey! 1213 01:18:11,920 --> 01:18:14,120 Well, this is the last time I shall see you all. 1214 01:18:14,160 --> 01:18:16,760 You're as fine a body of men as I ever have seen. 1215 01:18:16,800 --> 01:18:19,120 I'm proud of you. Broken all records. 1216 01:18:20,120 --> 01:18:22,640 Special recommendations. Outstanding. Sage. 1217 01:18:24,200 --> 01:18:26,640 Recommended for training as armourer. 1218 01:18:26,680 --> 01:18:28,440 Sir! 1219 01:18:28,480 --> 01:18:31,480 Bailey. Sir! 1220 01:18:31,520 --> 01:18:33,920 Recommended for Education Corps. Sir! 1221 01:18:34,920 --> 01:18:37,560 Strong. Sir! 1222 01:18:37,600 --> 01:18:40,320 Recommended for Physical Training Instructor. Sir! 1223 01:18:41,240 --> 01:18:43,440 Brown. 1224 01:18:45,160 --> 01:18:49,200 We're sorry to lose you. But heartiest congratulations. Remarkable persistence. 1225 01:18:49,240 --> 01:18:53,320 Succeeded in passing your preliminary training test on the eve of your release. 1226 01:18:53,360 --> 01:18:55,520 Excuse me, sir. I'm not leaving altogether. 1227 01:18:55,560 --> 01:18:58,520 When my leave's over, I'm coming back. As a regular. 1228 01:18:58,560 --> 01:19:00,560 Ah, we... What? 1229 01:19:00,600 --> 01:19:02,600 Oh, magnificent show! 1230 01:19:02,640 --> 01:19:05,960 Well, enjoy your leave, Brown. You deserve it. Thank you, sir. 1231 01:19:06,000 --> 01:19:09,120 But all the lot of you, all work and no play makes Jack... 1232 01:19:09,160 --> 01:19:12,560 Well, I think we all know what the army says about Jack, what? 1233 01:19:14,160 --> 01:19:16,160 Carry on, Sergeant. Sir! 1234 01:19:16,200 --> 01:19:18,200 Platoon! 1235 01:19:18,240 --> 01:19:20,560 Attention! 1236 01:19:21,640 --> 01:19:24,800 Platoon, dismissed! 1237 01:19:33,200 --> 01:19:34,960 Well, thank you very much. 1238 01:19:35,000 --> 01:19:39,400 And er...if you're ever Leighton Buzzard way, you know, feel like looking in, 1239 01:19:39,440 --> 01:19:40,960 always pleased to see you. 1240 01:19:41,000 --> 01:19:43,000 Thank you, sir. I'll remember that. 1241 01:19:43,040 --> 01:19:45,040 Goodbye. 1242 01:19:46,240 --> 01:19:48,240 Good luck. 1243 01:19:49,560 --> 01:19:51,560 Where's the Sergeant? 1244 01:19:51,600 --> 01:19:53,480 Good old Herbert! 1245 01:19:54,800 --> 01:19:56,920 Excuse me, Sergeant. Er...this is for you. 1246 01:20:24,600 --> 01:20:26,600 subtitles by Deluxe 1247 01:20:26,640 --> 01:20:28,640